aniebella

I decided to re-join my gym after a fond two year absence due to the fact I was losing momentum. This time, I took advantage of the club’s trainer services, and am I ever glad I did! Rachael is a petite little blonde with a sweet little voice and it’s only her innate kindness which saved her hide, because I was about ready to take a strip out if it using only a barrage of the most creative four-letter words I could think of. I have never been so physically challenged in my whole life. I walked down the stairs and out of the gym on a wing and a prayer. And despite my spaghetti legs, I had never felt as powerful or as strong in my whole life than I did after that simple 30 minute session.  I can’t wait for the next time…

I’ve suddenly got ‘Annie’ running through my brain… ah, well.

My six week experiment starts tomorrow. The sooner I start, the sooner I can finish. For the next six weeks, (six days a week), I will do an exercise DVD whose covers boldly proclaim results in 30 days or six weeks. It promises to be interesting. And I promise to be honest in my efforts. I have to do this for myself, to prove I can finish something I’ve started. Something big, something meaningful, something powerful. Because ultimately, I hope to feel empowered after this. That’s my true goal. Any loss of weight or inches will be purely incidental to the accomplishment.

I’ve long been fascinated by numbers. I do virtually everything in counts: brushing my teeth, curling my hair, putting on makeup, washing dishes… you name it, I count it. Dates also have mystical properties for me. I love months that contain perfectly contained weeks (the month starts on a Sunday and ends on a Saturday). I am obsessed with time. So it comes of no surprise that something that promises results in 30 days or 6 weeks has always sparked my interest. I’ve always thought, if this kind of stuff really worked, don’t you think I would have tried it six weeks ago?? And then I realize I’ve haven’t ever actually seriously tried it. It would be so easy to do, in theory… it’s 6 weeks (which is 42 days, my favorite number). That’s barely a blip in the radar of time. I can do this. Sure I can. So why does six weeks seem like forever? Probably because I know it’s going to be hard. At first, anyway. But hey, the longer I do it, the more it will become habit. It’s all about lifestyle changes. And I’ve been stuck in this rut for my whole life. I’m the most boring person I know. I want to be… something else.

I’m going to use a series of Jillian Michaels DVDs I have (all of which tout the 30 day/6 week result promise), along with a reduced calorie diet and other activity, such as walking, for six straight weeks, and see what the results are. I’ve done the reduced calorie bit before (for two months), and I lost weight. I’ve done the working out like a madwoman thing before (for two months), and I didn’t lose a single ounce. I’ve never done them at the same time. I don’t have any delusions of being ‘ripped’. I would just like to drop a pant size. That’s all. I don’t want, six weeks from now, to sit here wallowing in depression, hating myself, moaning, “If only I’d stuck with it, where would I be right now?” I honestly just don’t want any regrets. Which means when I start this, I have to give it everything I’ve got and not give up. For 42 days. Six weeks. Counting minutes. Counting reps. Counting calories. I should be in my element. My sweating, huffing and puffing element. Wish me luck!  I start………………………………………

I’ve never met a second helping I didn’t like. That’s why I’m so strict about a simple Lifesaver.  Because if I eat one, I’m sure to eat another. I binge. I don’t get full very easily when I eat sweets.  Other foods, yes, I get full quite quickly, but not when it comes to sugary sweets.  I can’t eat just one donut. I always eat two.  I can’t eat one cookie. I always eat four.  Putting restrictions on myself, however small and seemingly insignificant, is the only way to stop the binge.  That’s why I’m so proud I didn’t eat any sweets yesterday.  Yesterday was day one.  I’ve been sugar free for one day.  Woot! Woot!

I met my 90 minute workout goal yesterday.  I hurt in all the right places today.  I made it all day without eating a single sweet… until 7:30, when I ate a Lifesaver. Stupid wild cherry Lifesaver.  I console myself it wasn’t *TWO* wild cherry Lifesavers. I keep telling myself it was one lousy piece of candy, but until I go a day without eating any sweets, I will not consider the day a success. Bah.

… is what I feel like… not a fan of this feeling.  I am so used to walking everywhere, but with three feet of snow on the ground, my outside routes are impenetrable.  It has finally sunk into my head that I need to use another source for exercise… and by ’sunk in’, I mean I’ve gained eight pounds and I’ve been having icky chest pains due to over consumption of food and laziness.  I need to move again.  I need to establish a work out regimen and stick to it like super glue. And above and beyond all else, I need to stop eating sugar.  Which will be the absolute hardest thing for me.  So, starting tomorrow, December 27th, I’m going cold turkey with the sugar and I resolve to get at least 90 minutes of exercise a day, a minimum of 5 days a week.  That is my goal.  And I need you all to keep me honest.  Because I am REALLY good at lying to myself.

Nertz. That’s all I can say… I was losing weight, man.  I was losing weight and fitting into clothes and getting a couple of compliments… then I decided to actually start eating and lose weight in a more healthy way than such low calorie intake and WHAMMO!  I’ve not lost any weight in a month… I’ve, in fact, gained two, and gained inches all around.  And this is WITH a ton of exercise and still relatively low calorie intake. What the what?!?  Talk about major frustration.  I exercise at least two hours a day, four days a week, and at least one hour a day the rest… I take seriously robust walks/hikes, I jog, I do aerobics, use weights.  I eat under 1400 calories a day.  So, again, what the what?  I can only hope in my heart of hearts my body is re-booting and producing muscle and just taking longer to burn the fat.  Because gaining weight? Especially after the exhausting work I’ve done to lose it?  Sucks. 

I’ve subsisted on a very low calorie diet for two months now… I was averaging 800-900 calories per day.  That’s not healthy.  I lost weight, though, and that’s how I justified it.  But now I’m determined to lose fat, not muscle, which is what I’ve been doing.  As a result, I need to eat more so I can work out more.  Because, seriously, have you ever tried to do an intense work out on only 800 calories a day?  It’s brutal and stupid.   I’ve been increasing my caloric intake to around 1300 a day, and it’s amazing how difficult it is to do that… I feel like I’ve been absolutely stuffing my face, and even so, it’s still a good 1000 calories less than what I used to eat normally.  It’s incredible how the body adapts…

…going into the bowels of my closet and trying on clothes I love but haven’t been able to wear for years and finding out they fit again…

annoyance is… having to go through my closet and pack away all the too big trousers, including those still bearing tags because I bought them to wear in the winter, but they were too small and they are now too big and I can’t wear them at all… man, what a huge freaking waste of money…  I really, truly, madly, deeply need to stop buying clothes.  Seriously. I have all I need and then some… MORE than then some…

fact:  if i go more than a day without getting my walk or doing an exercise routine, i turn into a stark, raving bitch.  just saying. i’ve been concentrating on my diet lately and i’ve been doing less work outs, and it’s starting to affect my personality.  i need to get back into the work out mode, to compliment the eating right mode. it’s easier to not work out because i’ve been so incredibly busy lately (which is unusual for me).  things will calm down in a couple of weeks and i can get back into my happy little exercise niche.  until then, to maintain my sanity, i really have to try to get a nice lunch walk in every day.  i take my dog for a walk every night, but it’s not the same thing… my lunch walks are hikes and empowering and i revel in them…

it’s amazing to me how “easy” it has become to maintain a stricter diet.  i look back at earlier diet logs and knowing what I know now, I was eating around 2500 calories a day… and moaning about how I never lost any weight.  i wasn’t even counting calories. ha.  now i count every bite that goes in my mouth… hence, the nearly 20 pounds lost in under 2 months.  because i eat so much less a day, my stomach has shrunk and i get full faster.  like one bite and i’m full faster.  before, i ate an entire cake and had room for more. i like this ever so much better.